Rambler 450

Tomorrow I will post the 1^st of a cartoon series being drawn and developed by Bo Lumpkin using some of his and my blog items.  He is including my name as co-author.  His site is worth visiting.   We both lean to the right so many cartoons may tilt in that direction.  We began our blogs about the same time: one from Mississippi and the other from Minnesota.  Think of the cartoons as mental M&M’s.  (A 3M product?)

“Fast and Furious” leaves us aghast and curious.

He was an outcast of the local fishing club.

Elected officials are boycotting Truths Home, California.  (The Attorney General and the IRS are leading this boycott.)

The chicken farmer was an egg up on the competition.

"Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact."- George Eliot (1819-1880)

Based upon leaders’ lack of knowledge about major events occurring in their areas of responsibility, the government needs a new classification for department heads-stuporintendent.

News Headlines (possibly):

Local electricians revolt

Printers’ strike leaves blot on their record

Weather forecaster puts spin on tornado forecast

Rambler 428

Sent from my TV remote:

Our bank asked if we wanted a CD.  We said we had no interest.

Did the Andromeda Strain result in a hernia?

After watching the Super Bowl, the phrase: “playing lights out” takes on new meaning.

I continue to wait for a flying hospital.   The local one keeps adding “wings.”

"There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life."- Frank Zappa (Must be based upon politics over recent years)

I use a nasal rinse and observed an expiration date on the package for the rinse.   It’s difficult to understand how salt that has been around for millions, possibly billions, of years can suddenly expire.  (Think the expiration date should be taken with a pinch of pepper)

The sales staff of Dawn Dish Detergent is convening in Sunrise, TX.   (Meeting begins at nightfall)

It seems that our elected officials are “Fruit of the Loon.”

They have come out with a powered Pogo Stick.   We will soon be seeing masses of gashoppers.

News Headlines (possibly):

Waking lions causes uproar

New breakthrough in battering ram design

Rambler 417

If at first you don’t succeed, you probably won’t.

In Illinois felons don’t have to register their weapons because it would violate their 5^th amendment rights on self-incrimination.   I guess that just leaves the law abiding owners to register theirs.

Could this be why Chicago set a record with 500 gun homicides this year and 2500 plus shootings?

Mathematicians are conducting a picnic in Divide, MT.  They are kind of negative about the numbers attending.

A new broom sweeps clean. -Unknown   (doesn’t apply to witch flyovers and is probably the cause of the song: “Bristle While You Work”) 

The U.S. Population has traded in its moral compass for a GPS without batteries.

If medicaters medicate, do vegans vegetate?

How did Santa complete all of the deliveries before the GPS was invented?

News Headlines (possibly):

Local morgue operating with a skeleton crew

The conclusion of Daylight Savings Time is followed by days of morning

Rambler 382

Elected officials in Goobertown, AZ, work for peanuts.

A local builder concentrated his efforts in some of the older areas of town.   He would never remodel.   He always razed the old buildings many of which were salvageable.

A local psychologist surmised that this man had an “Edifice Wrecks” complex.

A murder out East involved a woman killing her husband with a coffee cup.  This gives a new meaning to “mugging.”  (There  will be new reports on the dangers related to drinking coffee.)

There once was a man from Maine

With a high tolerance for pain

While fishing for crabs

Into the water he grabs

And now only two fingers remain

I must be growing taller.  I am coming up through the top my hair.

Anne Arcky, spokeswoman for Occupy Wall Street vows there will be more demonstrations at the two political conventions.

For Halloween this year I am going to look up the prices of decorations in Kelley’s Boo Book.

News Headlines (possibly):

Growers asking for subsidies of strawberry fields forever

August 24^th,  Waffle Day, celebrated by politicians (at least this year)

Orkin debugging new extermination system

Rambler 331

I watched some fencing.   What is the point?

Get a jump on the competition and get to IHOP to celebrate leap year.

Washington, DC, is the hub of power.   That is why there is such a wide ranging collection of hub craps there.

George Clooney has put some of his DNA in storage.   He plans to come back as George Clony.

The local Flat Earth Society was thrown a curve-decreasing enrollment.   They are trying to round up new members.

Both Houses of Congress are meeting in Doolittle, MO.

There once was a citrus sucker

Who with limes would always pucker

He switched to apple

A new fruit to grapple

Leaving him with seeds and a plucker

There are plenty of items advertised to make you look “perfect” on the outside.   There is a need for items to make your character better on the inside.

The arsonist will get his tile in the Walk of Flame.

A new book was published about Congressional use of insider information: “Scrutiny on the Bounty.”

There is a new oscillyscope on the market to evaluate politicians’  promises over the balance of the year.

News Headlines (possibly):

Drought area looking for a fully sqaulified rain maker

New breakthrough in ice auger designs

Rambler 330

When people on ads list how many pounds they have lost, where do the pounds go?   Do they go to some innocent bysitter?

The “Whether Forecast” in DC remains constant.   They don’t know whether to do this or to do that.

The last minute loss left the fans with a case of sour gapes.

The Piltdown Man (fossil hoax begun around 1912 and debunked in the 1950’s) has been replaced by the  Pill Down Man (fact in the 21^st century).

Depression Psychologists are holding seminars in Happy, TX.  (Local furniture store is having a sale on couches.)

There was a man from International Falls

Who in the winter would answer no calls

Since it was the coldest in the nation

He goes into hibernation

As soon as the temperature falls.

I studied all the material and put it into my memory blank.

If you watch the endless ads for pills and medications for a day, you no longer wonder why stars and kids end up addicted.  (You need to take a pill to remember this.)

Audioborosis-a catatonic state reached while listening to the candidates talk at great lengths while saying nothing

Removing the eyes from potatoes has been ruled a speck tater sport.

The architectural firm broke out the new prison design.

News Headlines (possibly):

Church members pleased with homily grits

Pitchers taking a break from the strike to attend ball