Rambler 459

They said there is a fork in the road ahead.   I said “Y.”

Two good, on-line, satirical sites:

The onion caused a Senator to propose selling national parks to reduce the national debt-he thought it to be serious.

http://dailycurrant.com/

http://www.theonion.com/

I have finally figured out why TV announcers say they will see us tomorrow.   The NSA has provided the tools for them to watch us.

It is intuitively obvious to the most casual observer.

I didn’t shave today.   I wore camouflage and couldn’t find myself in the mirror.

Our family tree needs sprucing up.

Police in St. Cloud are running down jaywalkers.

Antimatter is being studied in Unalaska, Alaska

News Headlines: (possibly)

Tree house builder branching out

Belt makers buckling down

New rules have exterminators fuming

Rambler 453

Today’s humor might be classified as paranoia.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity."- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)  (Was he referring to NSA and its data collection?)

I have fibermialgebra-pain suffered when using math.

Sangfroid-coolness under pressure OR musical interpretation of dreams

I think our government is playing a game of “hide and sneak.”

I am investing in manual typewriters.  These will be the method of communicating to avoid NSA recording.  They have to be manual to prevent electronic monitoring.

Maybe the recording of email will result in a revival of paper mail.

When I look up recipes on the internet I am careful to select countries approved by the NSA.

The government saying it records calls but does not listen is like someone saying he smoked marijuana but didn’t inhale.

The NSA is considering thought monitoring.  (I guess I’m safe)

News Headlines (possibly):

New fishing movie has casts of thousands

Steam roller sales flatten

Local zoo has monkey on the lam

Rambler 428

Sent from my TV remote:

Our bank asked if we wanted a CD.  We said we had no interest.

Did the Andromeda Strain result in a hernia?

After watching the Super Bowl, the phrase: “playing lights out” takes on new meaning.

I continue to wait for a flying hospital.   The local one keeps adding “wings.”

"There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life."- Frank Zappa (Must be based upon politics over recent years)

I use a nasal rinse and observed an expiration date on the package for the rinse.   It’s difficult to understand how salt that has been around for millions, possibly billions, of years can suddenly expire.  (Think the expiration date should be taken with a pinch of pepper)

The sales staff of Dawn Dish Detergent is convening in Sunrise, TX.   (Meeting begins at nightfall)

It seems that our elected officials are “Fruit of the Loon.”

They have come out with a powered Pogo Stick.   We will soon be seeing masses of gashoppers.

News Headlines (possibly):

Waking lions causes uproar

New breakthrough in battering ram design

Rambler 424

Someone called the other day asking if he could talk to Joel.  I replied you probably can if you call his number.

“Sweating bullets” has been banned by new gun laws.

The Doctor recommended a stool softener.   I think a cushion would work better.

When I tipped over my dry martini, I created quite a splash.

Does a glue gun require a congeal and carry permit?

A new reality show begins in February: “The Spit.”  It will star baseball managers and players through the season.

"Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by fighting back." - Paul Erdos (1913-1996)

Mayor Bloomberg found a pretzel with a high salt content.  He has now banned a salt trifle.

Because of the new health care, injuries have resulted in a congeal and carry law.

I was asked if I was losing weight.  I replied I am buying my clothes larger.

Is it appropriate to buy a teenage terrorist a boom box?

Plastic surgeons are being paired up with students on the TV Program: “lancing with the stars.”

News Headlines (possibly):

Arsonist seeing an old flame

Snow throwers being provided to politicians to spread their wares

Rambler 423

Congressmen are retiring to Crookstown, Cork, Ireland.   (And that’s no Blarney)

Now that it is 20 below zero, we have nothing (zero) to look forward to.

"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters." - Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)   (Or thinking by our elected officials)

In the South they have Tent Sales.   In Minnesota we have Igloo Sales.

A local photographer has been inducted into the Hall of Frame.

When one is in Washington, he can feel the various farce fields.

"If you are going through hell, keep going."

- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

To comply with the new medical insurance, hospitals are installing bunk beds.   (Younger patient gets top bunk.)

To comply with new gun laws, Bullet Points are being dropped

from Power Point Presentations.

News Headlines (possibly):

Cold War on ice

Arsonist gets his 15 minutes of flame