Rambler 336

In my youth there was a cowboy star named Lash LaRue.  He had an exceptional talent with a bullwhip. Now we have lashes untrue and politicians skillful in half of that equipment.

The Harley Davidson Shop said they couldn’t put a top carrier on my bike.

While watching basketball I keep hearing the term “personal fouls.”   Do they have impersonal fouls?

Tuesday I went shopping at Monday Morning and then had lunch at TGIF because Ruby Tuesday was too crowded.

Minnesota Lakes will soon seeing McDonalds on the water with a float through window.

The old musical group: “The Zombies” will be performing in

Deadman Crossing, California. (If they are up to it)

There once was a man who would dabble

In a word game called Scrabble

He used an obscure word

That is seldom heard

And caused his opponent to babble

He was the point guard for the javelin throwers on the track team.

I got rid of my boat.   I couldn’t stand the pier pressure.

Do jousting sticks qualify as Gallop Poles?

News Headlines (possibly):

Skin care lotions vaselating on new products

Gold prospectors had a meeting of the mines

Rambler 335

Wig-breadth of fresh hair

A local furniture company is having a giant mattress sale.  Is that larger than king size?

Minnesota is considering a bill to make the bear the state mammal.  I wonder if this will be a bare bear bill, or will it be a bill with bear and pork?  (Isn’t it amazing the trivia legislature can focus on while major items are in dire straights?)

I was the designated diver on our H.S. swim team.

Ambidextrose-able to eat both white and brown sugars

There once was a man who liked cake

Often many pieces he would take

He always ate fast

Until the piece his last

For the cake he ate was fake

My feet have rack and bunion steering.  (Maybe I just have a calloused view.)

Recently making the news was the shoplifting of the detergent Tide.  It is being stolen to trade for drugs.   I had heard of rip tide but this is the first I have heard of ripped Tide.  (At least it is clean humor)

Pancake making competition will be held in Flippin, Arkansas.  (There was a toss-up between two cities before this was selected.)

News Headlines (possibly):

Fishing rods now considered tote’m poles

Designers did a bang up job on new bumper cars

Rambler 334

A local woman is the din mother for her cub scout band.

I am bilungual-can breath in both lungs.   This might be useful for politicians who speak out of both sides of their mouths.

Talking with teenagers is like lighting up a “like” bulb.

Fraudulent (fraud-u-lent)-real estate loans leading up to the collapse

Flatulence seminars are scheduled for next week in Aromas, California.  (Notices have been scent)

There once was a maker of butter

With various recipes he would putter

Into the churn

Spices would turn

Causing his users to mutter

The Department of Energy has issued guidelines for washing your dishes three times in the morning to save water and energy by avoiding the other two washings.  If that isn’t possible, they ask that you turn the dishes over and use the clean side to avoid at least one washing a day.  (This directive was printed on one-sided paper to save trees)

A national computer company puts its money where its mouse is.

Churches are being foreclosed.   Does this lead to moral bankruptcy?

I asked the waitress to put pepper on my salad and ended up with a Sneezer Salad.

News Headlines (possibly):

Swimming coaches pooling resources

New stove design on the back burner

Rambler 333

The Israeli Army has developed a new cheese containing salmon that is served only in its mess halls.

It is called the Lox Mess Muenster.

I told my doctor I wanted to stop eating meat but he wouldn’t prescribe a vegetable patch.

The cook at a local flapjack restaurant has been accused of flap flipping.

It appears the flying carp have reached the waters near the Twin Cities.   I think the spelling is different for what we will be watching fly over the months leading up to the election.

Hoof and mouth disease used to be confined to animals.   Recently the CDC said it has spread to both Houses of Congress.

The Tea Party and Right Wing Convention will be held in  Left Hand Bay, Alaska, this year.

 Is breaded fish in a bun considered redundant?

The AMA has issued warnings about secondary aromas from smoked fish.

Because of their size, mosquitoes in Minnesota have been reclassified as birds of prey.

Can I buy an external drive to back up my memory?

News Headlines (possibly):

Knife makers cutting back on production

Security firms alarmed by new regulations

 Next one was on MSN News Page Yesterday:
 

Woman hit by triathlon cyclist in coma (isn't it difficult to ride a bike in a coma?)

Rambler 332

I misunderstood the fishing instructor.   I thought he said: “tie flying.”

His book on remodeling got him on the “Best Cellars List.”

I turned on the television to see how many ads there were for my cable fee.

A local bank has installed a fail safe vault.  (Interesting combination of words)

Sanctimoneyous-accepting campaign donations and stating they will not affect legislation

If I work longer hours, how many minutes do they contain?

The giraffe race was neck and neck.

After watching some drag races on TV in which cars reached 300+ miles per hour, I wondered what is the rush to get to the end?  (McDonalds is considering putting a drive through window on the track)

There once was a very fast typist

Who entered many a list

In competition she starred

But ended up scarred

For many items had been missed

One advantage of growing older-the hairline no longer recedes.   There is no hairline.

Dining Etiquette Research is taking place in Five Forks, AL.

News Headlines (possibly):

Piano maker given keys to the city

Liquor makers have spirited debate

Rambler 331

I watched some fencing.   What is the point?

Get a jump on the competition and get to IHOP to celebrate leap year.

Washington, DC, is the hub of power.   That is why there is such a wide ranging collection of hub craps there.

George Clooney has put some of his DNA in storage.   He plans to come back as George Clony.

The local Flat Earth Society was thrown a curve-decreasing enrollment.   They are trying to round up new members.

Both Houses of Congress are meeting in Doolittle, MO.

There once was a citrus sucker

Who with limes would always pucker

He switched to apple

A new fruit to grapple

Leaving him with seeds and a plucker

There are plenty of items advertised to make you look “perfect” on the outside.   There is a need for items to make your character better on the inside.

The arsonist will get his tile in the Walk of Flame.

A new book was published about Congressional use of insider information: “Scrutiny on the Bounty.”

There is a new oscillyscope on the market to evaluate politicians’  promises over the balance of the year.

News Headlines (possibly):

Drought area looking for a fully sqaulified rain maker

New breakthrough in ice auger designs

Rambler 330

When people on ads list how many pounds they have lost, where do the pounds go?   Do they go to some innocent bysitter?

The “Whether Forecast” in DC remains constant.   They don’t know whether to do this or to do that.

The last minute loss left the fans with a case of sour gapes.

The Piltdown Man (fossil hoax begun around 1912 and debunked in the 1950’s) has been replaced by the  Pill Down Man (fact in the 21^st century).

Depression Psychologists are holding seminars in Happy, TX.  (Local furniture store is having a sale on couches.)

There was a man from International Falls

Who in the winter would answer no calls

Since it was the coldest in the nation

He goes into hibernation

As soon as the temperature falls.

I studied all the material and put it into my memory blank.

If you watch the endless ads for pills and medications for a day, you no longer wonder why stars and kids end up addicted.  (You need to take a pill to remember this.)

Audioborosis-a catatonic state reached while listening to the candidates talk at great lengths while saying nothing

Removing the eyes from potatoes has been ruled a speck tater sport.

The architectural firm broke out the new prison design.

News Headlines (possibly):

Church members pleased with homily grits

Pitchers taking a break from the strike to attend ball