Rambler 278

The Annual Plastic Surgeons’ Convention is being held in Scarsdale, NY. (City officials say it will give the city a “lift.”)Dress code-suture self.  (just noticed I had used this before, maybe I need a memory lift)

 My H.S. track coach said I couldn’t legally be a high jumper because I couldn’t pass the bar.


They recently held a “straw poll” in Iowa. Shouldn’t that have been a “corn poll?” Candidates were trying to capture the ears of voters. (That might lead to stalkers.)


Most of the younger generations would have no knowledge of “Checkpoint Charlie” in Berlin 50 years ago. (Security setup for crossing from East to West was similar attempting to cross the aisles in Congress-except for the fatalities at The Wall.)


TSA announces new thought scanners will be in use at selected airports. (Does not apply to Dulles in DC because thinking does not occur in or around that area.) Anyone caught thinking of: powder, syringes, cutters, shoes, explosives.... will be denied boarding.


Any Congressman or President caught thinking about actually doing what is right for the country will be immediately detained for psychiatric reasons.


I am not sure why they have so many natural gas ads. Most natural gas comes without warning.


I didn’t buy a “pulled pork” sandwich because I only buy a sandwich I can carry.  (DC specializes in pushed pork.)


There once was a maker of sauce
Who decided to throw in some moss
The mixture thickened
He was sickened
And ended up with a salad to toss 


The Frugal People of America are convening in Tightwad, Missouri. (In case anyone wonders, I use real city names-truth is funnier than fiction.)


The botanist said he always gets up at first blight.



The porta-potty company didn’t believe in a top down organization, they said it should be bottom up.

When they built the pyramids did they choose builders with rock bottom prices?

News Item Headings: (possibly)

New poison ivy medication is being designed from scratch.



Psychiatrists charging for excess baggage


New study by fish specialists indicates the Grouper is actually a loner.

Actual News Heading: (this will require some followup in my blog when I run out of gas on other topics)


It's an outrage! Tiny African country of Malawi set to ban farting. Honestly.



Read more:
http://www.asylum.co.uk/2011/02/04/it-s-an-outrage-tiny-african-country-of-malawi-set-to-ban-farti/#ixzz1WLbWmbnx