Rambler 54

Minnesota is the number one turkey producing state. Washington, D.C., has the highest turkey population density per square mile.

The Iraqi who threw sandals at President Bush has been signed by the N.Y. Yankees. They said anyone who can throw a flat object with such accuracy should be able to pitch in their league. A Yankee spokesman said he will have to spend about one year in the sandle lot league after which he should be a shoe in for the starting rotation.

The shoe throwing incident gave new meaning to “lame, duck!”

I have decided that I will only do happyword puzzles.

I am attending the Christmas masquerade party as Kris Wrinkle.

With the recent notices about using plastic bottles of certain types resulting in plastics entering our systems it makes one wonder how long this has been going on and how long it has been known.

If every cloud has a silver lining, shouldn’t we be wearing hard hats?

The Chaplain for the Illinois House may be indicted on a “pay for pray” charge.

Absentee ballots make sense. Elected officials are absent more than they are at their offices conducting our business. And when they are there, they aren’t there (for us).

Three airports, including O’Hare, announced the opening of new, added, runways. These were just in time for the decrease in air travel and diminishing flights. I hope the Fed doesn’t consider this runway inflation and increase the interest rates.

I am looking for a rechargeable credit card.

The Sock Manufacturers' Convention will be held in Argyle, WI. (Do you have any idea how boring it is to read the index of cities by state looking for interesting city names?)

Reporters’ questions fall into the following categories: sensible and germane (these are theoretical and have not been observed by any current journalists); dumb and dumber (who can ask the most stupid question is the most prevalent); compound questions with sub questions (to show how smart the reporter is), and insensitive (asking the survivors how they feel about the loss of their loved one).

Rocking chairs at senior centers will be used for energy generation. Seniors will only be off their rockers at specific times.

Santa and Mrs. Claus are taking a vacation right after Christmas. They have reserved the chimney suite.

While I am attempting to write humor, you will have to take me serially.