Rambler 40

The day the bailout was approved the headline should have read: “300,000,000 Americans received the debt sentence.”

Far more mental and psychological testing is conducted on astronauts than on prospective presidents or congressmen. Maybe that is why the one group has a much higher success ratio than the other two.

The police finally nabbed the suspect who would jump out from behind trees scaring passersby. He is being tried as a ”boo caller lurker.”

With all of the money recently printed, are we heading in the direction of the Reichmark in the late 1940’s? Out of control inflation lead to the collapse of the German Currency. It was replaced by the Deutchmark-still in use today.

Before kindergarten, do lawyer’s young children attend plea school?

In their effort to promote greater reporting accuracy, “60 Minutes” will be renamed “28 Minutes.” This reflects the actual reporting time after ads and with another 2 minutes deducted for the introductions of all the reporters at the start.

To conserve energy, tulips will only be sold in energy efficient bulbs.

Have they worked out the rules for someone with a hyphenated name marrying someone else with a hyphenated name? Do they use all four names? Do they pick the best two of the four? It evokes a mental image of a high school student failing a standardized test-all the time was spent on the name section.

Why do they call it The Dow Jones Industrial Average? We don’t have much industry left. They must be watching the one, remaining, factory.

Next week, we will be reporting from the Sofa Manufacturers' Convention in Davenport, IA.

A zoo for ruminants: cows, deer, moose, etc., is opening in Deerfield, IL. It has been named the Kudzu. (Cud is the key to this one)

Why is cursive writing taught in grade school? Don’t they learn that soon enough?

Due to the incredible wealth he has amassed, the title of his book has been changed to: The Ruby Yacht of Omar Khayyam.

Would one of a kind by a monaural type?

Because of the continuing problems with unmatched socks after washing, Whirlpool is opening the New Sort Sock Exchange. In scrolling through the screen of available items, you will be required to check the “Sock It To Me” box to get the item. (Credit to Rowan and Martin for the latter item)

How do all of those radio, TV, microwaves and other electronic transmissions travel through the air without canceling each other out?