Rambler 480

I was going to run the dishwasher, but it was fastened to the floor.

He was the bullet retriever for the H.S. rifle team.

For the government shutdown the workers were furloughed without pay while those causing it stayed on with pay.   Since the latter were not accomplishing anything (working), shouldn’t this be reversed in the future?

“A Confederacy of Dunces” was a fiction novel in the 80’s.  If published today about DC it would be non fiction.

Now that I am 70, I spend more time on the decliner.

Clinical depression-I didn’t know you had to go to a clinic to get it.

The 5% of the voters who approve of Congress are being deported based upon the premise they must be illegal aliens.

With invisible ink you have to read the find print.

I have added a hot air balloon ride to my basket list.  (Not sure how well the gas burners and my oxygen would get along on the ride)

Taxigermist-liberal with the germ of an idea for a new tax

I wonder if we could rent the Super Collider in Europe to bang some sense into our politicians.

News Headlines (possibly):

Jellyfish jam reactors

Violin makers high strung

Rambler 465

An East Coast politician running for mayor of New York won an Oscar for his apologies.   Does that make him and Oscar Mayor Weiner?

I asked my son how stupid he thought I was.   He asked: “what are my choices.”

The next best thing to popping bubble wrap is snapping shut the lids of my two, weekly, pill holders.

Is a porta-potty a towed stool?

Is NGas providing fractual information?

When did you first notice the loss of manual dexterity?

If we could get politicians to keep their mouths shut we could start a new fad: “tongue-in chique.”

There are pronouns.  Where are the connouns or antinouns when you need them?

The inmate said his message was taken out of “con”text.

The National Hurricane Center is relocating to Cyclone, IN.

News Headlines (possibly):

 Buried boy’s parents speak (actual item on MSN page) -  must be hard to speak with a mouthful of dirt

New “flip-flops” flop

Bicycle lobby seeking new spokesman

Rambler 463

They were a case of love at first fight.

Aquaphobia runs deep.

Obamacare has been renamed Suture Self.

Yellow Water, Florida, will host this year’s Urologists Convention.

I have multiple personalities.   Do I get a group discount?

His new fireplace suffered from a hearth murmur.

His ineptitude is exceeded only by his arrogance.

Fossil hunters are launching a new TV program on amphibians: “Antique Toad Show.”

Still water runs deep, but it is still water.

EHarmony has been charged with arson-playing with matches.

News Headlines (possibly):

Orkin offices bugged

Reduckulous law written by a quack (applies to a majority of recent laws)

NSA accused of not listening to itself (this is unheard of)

Rambler 462

If you decant something, does that make it possible?

The local library is not muser friendly.

The latest weather report blew us away.

Why do we have a Library of Congress for people who pass laws without reading them?

I had a brain scan.   They told me I had a photogenic memory.

A local man blew up the military eating area.   He is charged with using a weapon of mess destruction.

News Headlines (possibly):

Fishing industry has drop in net worth

New match design sparks interest

Toothpick Association facing splinter groups

Rambler 459

They said there is a fork in the road ahead.   I said “Y.”

Two good, on-line, satirical sites:

The onion caused a Senator to propose selling national parks to reduce the national debt-he thought it to be serious.

http://dailycurrant.com/

http://www.theonion.com/

I have finally figured out why TV announcers say they will see us tomorrow.   The NSA has provided the tools for them to watch us.

It is intuitively obvious to the most casual observer.

I didn’t shave today.   I wore camouflage and couldn’t find myself in the mirror.

Our family tree needs sprucing up.

Police in St. Cloud are running down jaywalkers.

Antimatter is being studied in Unalaska, Alaska

News Headlines: (possibly)

Tree house builder branching out

Belt makers buckling down

New rules have exterminators fuming