Rambler 465

An East Coast politician running for mayor of New York won an Oscar for his apologies.   Does that make him and Oscar Mayor Weiner?

I asked my son how stupid he thought I was.   He asked: “what are my choices.”

The next best thing to popping bubble wrap is snapping shut the lids of my two, weekly, pill holders.

Is a porta-potty a towed stool?

Is NGas providing fractual information?

When did you first notice the loss of manual dexterity?

If we could get politicians to keep their mouths shut we could start a new fad: “tongue-in chique.”

There are pronouns.  Where are the connouns or antinouns when you need them?

The inmate said his message was taken out of “con”text.

The National Hurricane Center is relocating to Cyclone, IN.

News Headlines (possibly):

 Buried boy’s parents speak (actual item on MSN page) -  must be hard to speak with a mouthful of dirt

New “flip-flops” flop

Bicycle lobby seeking new spokesman

Rambler 457

Credit card companies are meeting in Cash, Arkansas.  Attendees will be carded.

"Do, or do not. There is no 'try'."- Yoda ('The Empire Strikes Back')

A new horror movie on bed bugs is opening: “Night of the Living Bed.”

Barnes & Noble has dropped the Nook.   I guess we can no longer say “The Nook is still out on that subject.”

There once was a man from Wales

Known for his scary tales

One was about a ghost

That became his host

My how his face it pales

There were frequent thefts at a local marina which remained unsolved.  None of the items could be found.

Divers finally determined the cause of the losses-a giant clam.

The losses were attributed to the Clue Clutch Clam.

News Headlines (possibly):

Cattle rancher roasted

Astrophysicists worlds apart

Plans for new hockey rink on ice

Rambler 429

Sent from my car opener:

Ambidextrose-able to eat sugar or artificial sweetener with either hand

The new National Drought Center is having a ground baking ceremony Monday.  (A little dry humor)

A commuter on the rail line to Chicago rode the same train every day.  He observed the same clicking noise on each ride.   The clicks were at the same pace each time.

After observing a tiny person dancing under the seats, he realized the sound he was hearing was a tap dancing Metro Gnome.

Egnostic-neither believes nor disbelieves the egg came before the chicken

They keep talking about doing things around the clock.  They haven’t converted to digital.

"A clever man commits no minor blunders."- Goethe (1749-1832)

News Headlines (possibly):

Tailor shop closed for alterations

Trapeze company closes leaving customers hanging

Rambler 419

We continue to hear: “the weather is brought to you by…”  It leaves us wondering what kind of equipment they have to provide the nice weather or deciding not to buy from them because of the weather they brought.  

A man went to the doctor with severe abdominal pain.  He was checked thoroughly and was asked what he had eaten recently.  

When the Dr. was asked what was causing the pain he replied: “a gas-poor yogurt.”

"You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality." - Ayn Rand (1905-1982)  Was she talking about our deficit spending?

The International Spelling Competition is taking place in Tetaumatawhakatangihangakoauaotamateaurehaeaturipukapihimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuaakitanarahu, New Zealand.    (I wonder what size envelope is needed for mail.)    Will spell  check handle that one?

News Headlines (possibly):

Mathematicians multiplying

Trampoline sales bouncing back this spring

Rambler 403

I wonder if the lawyers advertising on TV are listed in the latest: “Sues Who.”

The travel agent said on the trip specials, there were no “Down Under” takers.

 

It was a light changing moment.

He went for a round of square dancing.

The In Search of Aliens Society is meeting in Earth, TX.

You are like two peas in an Ipod.

I’ll draw some circles.   When I get around  to it.

Archeologists in the South West were amazed when they inspected ancient Hopi cities.  In spite of the aridity, there was water running through each of the ruins and apparently had been flowing for thousands of years.

When asked how that could be, a tribal elder took them to the source of the water and said: “Hopi springs eternal.”

If we get “down to brass tacks”, what is the point?

News Headlines (possibly):

Market for pain pills is soring

Negotiations with brake union at a stop

The word “gullible” dropped from the dictionary