Rambler 439

Sent from my microwave oven:

Based on the cold weather we’re having in MN in March, it appears we will experience April Cool’s Day.

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it."- Moses Hadas (1900-1966)

They are trying to level the playing fields in Askewville, North Carolina.  (This is proceeding full tilt.)

There was a golfer in a storm

The use of umbrellas was not the norm

A lightning bolt

Provided a jolt

And his life it did reform  (at least he was well grounded)

I was told I was inept.   How do I get back to being ept?

All of my magazine subscriptions were cancelled.   I didn’t pass the background check.

I thought she said:  “buy an Easter Biscuit.”

News Headlines (possibly):

Shower stall companies are on a slippery soap

CEO of toy top company puts new spin on sales losses

Rambler 438

Sent from my CB radio:

Did they ever make single edged swords?

Travel agents are holding a convention in Jetmore, Kansas. 

"Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together."- Georg Lichtenberg (1742-1799)

There once was a man in a race

Who the officials must now face

It was thought he won

But it was undone

Because he sprayed others with Mace

If you get a second opinion in medicine is it considered a pair a docs?

Addage-a saying you keep repeating because you’re old

The admiral was expecting an assignment of a fleet in the tropics but instead got cold fleet.

News Headlines (possibly):

Wheat rust is traveling at the speed of blight

Rambler 437

Sent from my implanted GPS chip: (I'd be lost without it)

Patent lawyers are holding new invention seminars for mothers in Ft. Necessity, Louisiana.

Practice makes prefect.

When a newscaster keeps an eye on something, does he/she alternate so one eye isn’t overdeveloped?

She was at a seaside coin laundry waiting for the Tide to come in.

There once was a man with dynamite

Who drank and ended up tight

He lit the fuse

Took time to muse

Shortly before taking to flight

What are the payment plans for charged particles?

I watched a portion of “Duck Dynasty.”  It appeared the people were the big cheeses of the quacker factory.

News Headlines (possibly):

Mosquitos in MN take down two drones

Rambler 432

Sent from my crystal radio:

He cooked on the graveyard shift at the diner.   He said he wanted to work for a fry by night outfit.

If you use a defibrillator are you repulsed?

"Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance."

- Will Durant (Politicians could certainly use some education.)

Because of the restrictive gun laws in some states, the sales of bows and arrows have increased.   Quiver limits of 10 arrows or less are being considered.

Corpse Pond, MI, will be the site of the National Casket Makers display of new products.  (Customers can try them for fit and comfort.)

There once was a man jumping rope

Staying in shape was his hope

On the rope he tripped

Onto his back he flipped

Now a month in the hospital to cope

News Headlines (possibly):

Chain manufacturer says internet sales down due to missing link

Ink maker CEO paints  a dark future for sales  (He said it would be a blot on his record.)

Rambler 410

Pro football players with hyphenated names will soon need two lines on the backs of their jerseys (or the start of the name on the front and finishing on the back).  I hope they stay in long enough to read the whole name.

Retirees’ cheer: Hip, hip,  xray

Nicoret is sponsoring reruns of “Gum Smoke.”

When a news announcer says:  “ We’ll keep an eye on this story,”  I am reminded of a pirate with an eye patch (or a lizard that can look in both directions).

Looneyville,  Minnesota is conducting seminars for both political parties.  (If unsuccessful:  “That’s all folks.”)

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine. (BIBLE)

There once was a man at a store

Who quickly ran out the door

Because of the smell imparted

By a person who had farted

He could hold his breath no more

     (I am aghast that this was included!)

News Headlines (possibly):

The funeral will be brought to you live  (Are we talking of Zombies?)

New rules in maternity ward have babies up in arms